EMERGENCY CHOCOLATE®

For immediate relief of chocolate cravings, lovesickness, exam pressure, mild anxiety and extreme hunger.

Directions for use: Tear open wrapper, break off desired dosage and consume. Alternatively massage into the affected area. Repeat dosage as required until finished. If symptoms persist consult your local confectioner.

EMAIL CHOCOLATE™

Send chocolate by email. Wherever you are in the world you are no more than a mouse click away from chocolate.

System requirements: Computer (Mac/PC), broadband, scanner and a standard ink jet or color laser printer.

Disclaimer: Currently the emailed chocolate is extremely thin and tastes more like paper than chocolate. However, this is to be expected in the early stages of development.

ULTIMATE BOYFRIEND BAR

Perfect boyfriend material every time.

Want one. Got one. Got a spare one. You want my one. Can’t stop wanting the old one. Quite fancy a new one. I know the right one. Like a good-looking one. Maybe a funny one. How about your one?

BOCHOX®

Active ingredient cocoa solids – 75%. For relief from the symptoms of wrinkles and crows feet.

Warning: May cause weight gain if used incorrectly.

Directions: Simply break off the desired dosage and consume. You should quickly be overcome by stress-relieving endorphins and no longer concerned in the slightest about your wrinkles.

CHOCOLATE SURVIVAL KIT

Do not consume until all other nutrition options are exhausted (or you are).

We have eliminated all of the cumbersome and possibly unnecessary paraphernalia contained in most survival kits; things like Swiss army knives, matches, bandannas, fish hooks and flashlights. Instead we have focused on the true survival essential: chocolate.

DECHOX®

Active ingredient cocoa solids – 75%

A mind detoxifying chocolate delight to detoxify your mind of all that bad-mood food. Combats negative vibes, like cravings, and provides all the energy your body needs for regeneration, liver clensing and going on weird diets.

INVISIBLE CHOCOLATE

This chocolate bar has been formulated to disappear before your very eyes.

Important: Individual results are likely to vary. The time taken for your chocolate to disappear will depend on your own personal willpower.

GIRTH CONTROL CHOCOLATE

For the control of those unexpected urges. Helps you avoid thinking about ‘it’ for up to 15 minutes.

Warning: If you experience a hot flush, do not loosen clothing under any circumstances, as this will aggravate your condition.

Directions: Simply break off the desired dosage and consume. You should quickly be overcome by stress-relieving endorphins and no longer concerned about ‘those’ thoughts.